Thursday, November 12, 2009 11:42 AM
And so after 8 months since the last blog entry, I'm still well alive here and I'm very much aware that I've left this blog unattended. Haha..I know but for the past months, my life has been pretty happening, not in a good way though,unfortunately, but it's all good now. So, to keep my story short,sweet and simple.
It was a longggggggggggg painful,excruciating wait, it kept my days as miserable as it possibly could be. I didn't know what to do, where to go, whom to turn. I had my parents and family bothered with the situation and all I could do was stand alongside and look at them. I cried day and night because I fail to come to a solution, I had NO IDEA, not even the slightest. All that was in my mind was "I'M A BURDEN" why? BECAUSE, then,
1) I WAS REJECTED BY THE LOCAL UNI FOR THE TWINNING PROGRAM IN CHEMICAL ENGINEERING. (1 yr locally + 3 yrs in aus) sponsored by government.
2) I WAS REJECTED BY MOE FOR MY SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION as well.
However, I was accpeted by UNSW, sydney, which meant I had to go self funded! I wasn't happy at all, I was cursing/swearing/complaining! I hated so much how things always have to happen the way they happened to me, nothing was ever smooth, EVER! On top of that, I have my brother who is a SHELL SCHOLAR, I was living in HELL, IN FUCKING HELL. As a daughter, my duty is to study hard, graduate and I want to do it WITHOUT having to touch a single cent of my parents money IF POSSIBLE! I wanted to follow my brother's footstep. I pray all day long, I repeated my prayers all the time to HIM, asking him for a chance to turn things around, to lead me to an opening where I can escape from all these, to guide me to a path where I should be walking down.
Later on, when the local uni has embarked, I appealed personally to them asking for re-consideration and THEY DID! I was a month late when I entered and I'm going to say it was HELL! Because there was SO MUCH, JUST SO MUCH to catch up and I had to study on my own because I've missed the previous lectures and imagine, lesson goes on everyday. I wanted soooo badly to tell my parents, I don't think I can do it but as the thoughts of having them send me to aus themselves, I forced and pushed myself to continue. I was hella reluctant. So reluctant but I know if I stay, I'll save them alot. I had no choice, no choice. Although dad says it's fine that I go self-funded but that's not what I want. NO! I pretend to be happy, because only by doing that, nobody knows. I tell them it's okay, I'm doing well but I cried every single night because I felt so stressful and I couldn't share it with anyone else.
As soon as I thought that's how my life is going to be, or will be and was slowly accepting the fact of everything, I received a call from MOE regarding my scholarship one tuesday afternoon. I didn't know how to react, what to say or even how to feel coz I was NUMB! I attended the scholarship briefing the next day and I was awarded by MOE to do CHEMICAL ENGINEERING. Only about 3 weeks of study in the local uni, I quit since I've been awarded the scholarship.
So here I'm now, back to my 3 months or lesser holiday till I become a uni student again in FEB 2010. Once from nothing, to everything. I don't know why things happen the way it did but I'm sure HE had his reasons, it was probably a test of patience, preserverance and belief and by looking at where I'm today, I have passed!
I'm extremely thankful and grateful. 4 years to go till I graduate with a degree. Let's hope all will be well, till then, this is the biggest achievement in my life. As a daughter to my parents, as a member to the entire family, my duty is half done. The remaining half would be known 4 years later:).
Often times, people fail to achieve because they fail to preserver till the very last moment. My story may not be inspiring/motivating or whatever shit, but it is a fact, I'm a proof! Always believe you'll get what you WANT to get. Once you have given everything you think you could possibly offer, you have put the best effort into doing something, leave the rest to HIM, I'm sure He sees it and will choose the best for you. Have faith and believe in Him.
I sound very christian, don't I? Haha..I probably do, but it was all the endless prayers i've said to Him that helped me come this far, each time I pray, I find peace, comfort and courage.
And on top of everything, the one thing that still make me shed some tears, but happy ones this time would be when I thought about how much I've helped not only myself but my family. That is the best I can offer them now.
JeSS loves you!
